Thinking about my reactions to movies and books

I’ve long had a bunch of unwatched or just very partly watched DVDs and Blurays and I’ve been thinking about what I find uncomfortable about watching movies, but I’ve gotten a bit sidetracked because I finished I Saw the TV Glow and that’s a heck of an emotional experience for a trans person. I’ve also started reading Wrath Goddess Sing.

I keep saying it’s an amazing joy to be able to feel emotions now, on HRT, in a way I never did before in my life, and I am still getting used to it. Something I noticed fairly early on was having very strong feelings listening to songs that have long been familiar. That’s now become a familiar and treasured thing. But I think it’s one thing to have these feelings listening to a four-minute song with lyrics I memorized decades ago, now experiencing an hour-and-twenty minute movie by a trans woman telling a trans story and just designed to induce strong feelings in trans viewers, this is a different thing. I’m not used to this. It’s an intense experience. And similarly now about 50 pages into a 450 page trans story by a trans author.

Really in the previous decades of my life, I only felt this sort of emotional intensity when something bad was happening to me, or something dangerous, or at the least frightening. I’m still learning to understand the feelings. It’s still new to me. It’s amazing, it’s so amazing, things I never experienced, never imagined earlier in my life.