HRT is magic

One of the things about camping is sometimes you wear some pretty random clothing while hanging around the campsite. It was nice to spend some time just sitting around, having a drink, reading a good old style printed-on-paper book, and in the warm weather wearing just a bra and maybe a skirt or shorts or whatever on the bottom. I have a couple racer-back bras made of stretchy cotton-blend and they way they fit, now at least, is at the top there’s a bit of a gap in the center between the fabric and my skin. So I could look downward and look down my own top. You know, the space between my breasts, the two breasts rising up to meet the fabric that then covered them. This is not an unfamiliar view, I’ve been on very friendly terms with a few women over the decades who would let me look down their tops like this.

I sure as fuck never saw it on myself, though!

I liked seeing it on myself a lot. But also, got to thinking about just what I thought when seeing this view on my partners over the years. Because I always figured it was just sexual attraction, and certainly that was one of the feelings. But also, there were a lot of other things I’d thought, sometimes explicitly thought, sometimes was more trying not to think. Like, just that it felt so very obvious that ideally I’d be able to offer my partner the same sort of look down my shirt, that’s obviously the proper fair thing to do. Except, just kinda sorta couldn’t. Not the same. Surely all the cis-het dudes wished they could do the obvious lesbian same-thing-in-response thing!

Or just wondering what it would be like to get to be a good-looking person like that. Or what would it even feel like to actually have breasts?

There’s lots of beauty standards imposed on women, lots of them basically unrealistic, and I’ve been long aware of that. It’s sort of weird to just now discover that the entirely impossible beyond-the-realm-of-dreams ideals I always tried not to even think about were for me really mostly just having breasts at all, having little-enough facial hair that someone can come up behind me and say “ma’am” and I can turn around and we can talk without them feeling the need to “apologize” and start saying “sir” a lot. I get that not all cis women experience this, but, still, it is pretty common. Honestly having breasts has been weirdly easy, at least I’ve been fortunate enough that getting the prescription for estrogen wasn’t hard (my doctor is, herself, trans!) and electrolysis sucks a lot and takes forever and costs a lot but if you do it, it does work.

I just didn’t know how nice it would all be!